It's finally over

Dear Family,
Our beloved father, Ernest Paul "Pete" Kees passed this evening at 7:30 p.m. Donny, Chuck and I were honored to be with him. He fought long and valiantly but could not cheat death. Dad lived large and loved life, and we will always love and miss him unbearably. But we also realize that he is in a better place, and we were praying for his suffering to end. We all went together to tell Mom. She will grieve and miss him more than anyone else, but I feel that she will persevere. Mom is so much stronger than even she knows, and with God's help, she'll get through this. She didn't want Dad to suffer any more either. Thanks to each and every one of you for keeping our family in your prayers. My heart aches for my Uncle Mike who is away on a mission and won't be here to be with us. I know you're hurting too, Uncle Mike, but we're all where we're supposed to be.

Visitation will be Monday evening from 6 to 8 at Leonard Johnson Funeral Home in Marmet. The funeral will be Tuesday at 2 PM at the funeral home. The obituary should be in Sunday's paper.

I'm going to bed now. I'm tired.

Love to all,
Peggy

A Strong Will

We got to Hubbard Hospice House on Tuesday evening (it's now Friday morning around 4:45 AM). What a serene place! Dad was basically in a coma till Wednesday. He's been opening his eyes, looking at us and kind of holding our hand, sometimes pretty strongly, on and off since then. Mom had dialysis Tues. and Wed., but made it up here on Thursday. It's very hard on her, that almost seems like an understatement . . . I don't know what other words to use. But she's a trooper. She goes through periods of inconsolable crying and then does OK for a while. Pam was here from Thursday of last week and left on Wednesday morning. Donny got here Tuesday, so now he, Chuck and I are staying with Dad all we can. We all went home yesterday around 5 because the roads were getting bad. I ate dinner, took a shower, and came back over about 8 PM. I intended to spend the night at home, but my heart was here with Dad so I figured I might as well get the rest of myself over here too. I slept several hours in the room, and Donny got here about 3:30 AM. This place is wonderful. Everyone here is going through the same thing. The nurses are so understanding and helpful. They know when to stay back and when to step in. They're keeping Dad comfortable, and that's what we want, of course. But Dad is dying the way that he lived - with a strong will. Donny says that it's his competitive nature. He always wanted to win at everything he did. Those of you that played cards, golf or Monopoly or shot pool with him can attest to that!

This time together with family has given us a chance to reminisce about our life with him. What a great guy! We've had such an honor to have him as our Dad. Any success that any one of the five of us have achieved can be credited in a large part to his impact on our lives. He didn't break any records, publish any books, make millions of dollars, or any of that kind of material stuff. But he sure made a difference in the lives of a handful of people in a little corner of West Virginia, and when he goes he will leave behind a legacy of love that will never be forgotten.

I'll try to write more later.

Love to all,
Peggy

My Beautiful Daddy

Things are progressing so much faster than I had anticipated, and I don't mean that in a good way, sorry to say. Yesterday, I went to the hospital before church and the doctor was there. I had to stick around to see him, but he finally came into Dad's room. He told me that they were planning to do a swallowing test to see if Dad could swallow before they would try to feed him anything. If he couldn't swallow, the recommendation would be a feeding tube, to which I said "No." I had already talked to several people who had been through this with parents with AD, and the consensus was to not do a feeding tube. I also discussed this with each of my siblings and my Mom, and we all were in agreement. The doctor told me that Thomas Hospital had an excellent palliative care nurse, and he would have her contact me to discuss our options.

Went to the hospital first thing this morning and happened to round the corner to his room just as the doctor was coming out. He told me that the prognosis is not good, which we already knew. He told me if he had to predict, he would say that Dad has one or maybe two weeks, but he could be taken this afternoon, there's just no way of knowing. At any rate, when the speech therapist came in to do the swallowing evaluation, Dad was not alert enough to do it. I went to work for a couple of hours and got a call from the palliative care nurse. We went over the options - back to nursing home with hospice care or to the local Hospice House, which I know to be a wonderful place since my father-in-law passed there on Christmas Day. So the hospice nurse came in and assessed Dad's condition and said that he met all the criteria and could be transferred to Hubbard Hospice House as early as tomorrow (Tuesday). Everyone who saw my Dad today commented on how good-looking he is. They all said what beautiful skin and hair he has. No one could believe he is 88 years old. What they don't know is that he is just as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside. Those of us in the family know this to be true, don't we?

I love you all and will keep you posted as I can. Please remember Mom, Donny, Chuck, me, Timmy and Pam and our spouses and children in your prayers over the next few days.

Dad's in the Hospital

Dad was taken to Thomas Hospital in South Charleston last night. He was admitted after x-rays showed that he had pneumonia. I went to the hospital first thing this morning and the nurse said it was "aspirated pneumonia", which means that he aspirated (or I guess inhaled) either liquid or food into his lungs. He was running a fever, which they are giving him suppositories for. He has had diarrhea, as has the entire population of the nursing home, I guess, for the last couple of days, so that is continuing. They have him catheterized and on an IV, but he was still trying to raise up out of bed today. Talk about a strong-willed man! He's amazing! So don't give up on him yet, because I'm not. He's still putting out urine, his vital signs are stable as far as I know. My sister Pam got here Thursday and is staying till Wed. Donny just went home this past Wed. after staying with Mom for four days. Tim was here last weekend with his family, and he's driven back down today with Pam's husband Pete. So Mom and I have had some support. Of course, I don't want to leave out my brother Chuck, who has been a rock throughout this whole thing.

I'll try to write more tomorrow. Maybe I'll have better news. Till then, all my love, or as Dad would say, "Love you with all my heart and gizzard."

A Pretty Good Visit

The last week or so has been rough! Since writing my last entry on Feb. 1, I've been to the Nursing Home every day. Mom and I went on Saturday and Sunday, and he didn't seem to know us. She cried all weekend and called the out-of-town kids telling them that they if they want to see their Dad, they'd better come soon. He's now having trouble swallowing, and they have him on a pureed diet with thickeners in his liquid so he doesn't get choked when he drinks. His confusion continues, he babbles and you can understand some words, while others are garbled. Anyway, Mom was heartbroken that her worst fears had come to pass, that he no longer remembered her. I tried to tell her that I felt that he did know her at some level, but maybe just couldn't voice it.

He seems to be doing better about sleeping at night. They've changed some of his meds, and I also told Mom that that may be why he seems more confused. They now have him on pain meds, in addition to Xanax, Risperdol, Aricept, and I don't know what else. I spoke with his doctor on Monday to ask whether the disease was progressing more rapidly or the increased confused might be medicine related. He agreed to lower the Risperdol to see if that might help.

I was off today so Mom wanted to go see him. He was sitting, as usual, in his wheelchair near the Nurses' Station. We took him back to his room. Mom began to cry, but we kept talking to him. She was patting his hands in his lap, and he raised her hand and began to kiss it, making little smacking noises, about 20 kisses at a time. Every time she lowered her hand, he would lift it to his lips and kiss it again. Then he looked at me and lifted his arms like he wanted a hug. I know deep down, my Dad's in there. How sad but hopeful, even while knowing what the outcome must be.

Mom wanted to stay with him while I went to my Weight Watcher's meeting, and she had me ask the nurses to put him in bed so she could just sit beside him. When I returned a while later, she was fine and her sister-in-law Peggy was there with her daughter Aleta. We left a short time later. I told her I thought maybe if she visited him and stayed a little longer she would not be so shocked every time she saw him, but maybe could adjust to his condition a little. She told me later that when the girls came in to put him in bed, he tried to kiss them too. What a lover boy!

Progression (Mine or His?)

Finally got to see Dad today . . . AWAKE! I've been to the Nursing Home probably 4 or 5 times in the last 10 days or so, and he's been asleep every time. Of course, probably if I went there at 2 or 3 AM, I might find him awake . . . and then, I may not. Sometimes they tell me he is up for 2 or 3 days straight and then crashes for a couple of days. I call every morning to see how he's doing. This morning and yesterday they told me he slept through the night. They called me about 1:30 this afternoon and said he had fallen out of his wheelchair but wasn't hurt. He still doesn't understand that he can't walk and he continually tries to stand up and then . . . WHOMP! falls right down. They sit him in his wheelchair right in front of the Nurses' Station to try to keep an eye on him but sometimes he gets up before they realize it, and that's when he falls. Anyway, I had a little time before picking Mom up from Dialysis so thought I'd take a chance on finding him awake, and he was. He is to the point now where he is having trouble holding up his head, so his head is continually drooping. If you want to talk to him, you have to stand in front of his wheelchair and stoop down to his eye level, which I did. I think he knew who I was, but he didn't say my name. For some reason, he said "Amanda" (we don't know any Amanda's that I know of). I pushed him up and down the hallways, he always seems to enjoy that, but sometimes he puts his feet down, like he's putting on the brakes, and I have to tell him to hold them up. He was talking the whole way, but in jibberish that I couldn't understand, but I'm sure it made sense to him. I scratched his back for a while, he loves that, and asked him if he was happy. He laughed (sort of) and said "Yes."

That's good enough for me.

Like I said, I considered it a "good visit."

My love to all.

Peggy

P.S. Mom cried when I told her about the visit. She said she felt like he was "melting". I guess that's a good way to put it. It's just sad.

Sorry for the delay

Hi Family,
Sorry for the delay in updating you about Dad. I just wondered if anyone ever checked this but found out from my Uncle that it was missed, so I will continue for now.

Dad has kind of adjusted to life at the Nursing Home. He doesn't really know where he is . . . part of the time he thinks he's in jail. Mom and I usually tell him he's in the hospital when he asks us "what is this place?" The biggest challenge for the nursing home staff is getting him to stay seated in his wheelchair. He doesn't remember that he can't stand up or walk, so he's continually (at times) trying to get out of the wheelchair. He's fallen a couple of times but thankfully hasn't been hurt. They have put him in a bed that's low to the floor with yoga-type mats on both sides of the bed, so if he tries to get up a night he won't fall out and get hurt. They are very caring and good to him there. They call me for every little thing, whether it's a slight change in medication or therapy, and I appreciate it. I don't always tell Mom what's going on, as she gets upset over everything. I try to be selective in what I tell her and not upset her if I don't think there's a real reason to. She and I have talked about this and I think she knows where I'm coming from. This is a really big change in her life, without having Dad at home. I'm proud of the way she has dealt with it. I didn't think she would get along so well by herself, but she has surprised me. With all the love she and Dad have had for each other for the past 59 years, the stress of the last couple of years living with someone that's progressing in this disease has been a struggle. So even though she may feel a little guilty, I suspect there's a little bit of a feeling of freedom there. I want you all to know how much your phone calls have meant to her, so PLEASE PLEASE continue to call and check on her and keep in touch!

So I try to go see Dad as much as I can, even if it's for a short visit. A lot of the time when I go there, he's asleep. There are times when he is more "at himself" or "with it" than others. I usually try to take him a cheeseburger from Wendy's, just because he loves them. Mom and I went on Tuesday and he was "out of it". They had just done a medicine change, and he was having trouble holding his head up and staying awake. We finally asked them to put him to bed, he was just miserable sitting in that chair. I had planned to go today, but when I called he was asleep.

This is an emotional roller-coaster that we're on. I know there's no hope of a cure. There are days that he seems almost like his old self, and then there are days when it seems like my Dad is no longer there. Just last week, we had an actual conversation, where he told me he was retired and used to work selling insurance and in the mines, and that he was in the Navy. The time before that, he babbled the whole visit. But when I told him goodbye and asked him if he knew who I was, he looked right at me and said, "You're Peggy . . . Peggy Ellen. . . my baby girl."
Of course, I cried all the way home.

Tomorrow is Sunday. We plan to visit him, and I'll let you know.

Love to all of you. Your prayers keep us strong.

Peggy